Little Black Cloud

That first great storm of the year...

You know the great mass that rolls in with the wind to black out the sun.

Instantly turns night into day.

It reaches so high into the sky that you can sit and slowly watch it roll in as you begin to scramble to hide from it. I was in my car, doing the typical summer chase of riding away from the storm home to see if I can make it in time before it unleashes it's great fury over our heads.

only this time... no rain...

The slumbering giant seemed to have slept this one off. I was actually ready for it though... Just made me realize as I was driving 60 mph home trying to race the big bastard, all the little things in life that push our buttons like that. How our minds can create these extreme emotions and situations inside our heads that we have no other choice to make them true. Like how anxiety works. How fear plays such a huge role in our lives. Whether big or small. We all just want everything to go exactly as we assume it should. Like how movies portray what life should be.

There are all these little things that get our hearts racing, how our thoughts can constrict our breathing or even give us strength by pumping the adrenaline our sense of fight or flight so generously delivers.

The movies make us feel that way too. But we just keep watching because we like being able to figure out how the movie will end. Then generally end the same, but the means at which they will end up there is what keeps us interested. Maybe we can learn something and then best all of our worst problems. But that's why, with their repetitive endings we still worry and wonder if they will make it... because in real life. You just never know. You might slip off the road, you might blow that important speech, you might fail and you just might get rejected by the one you love most...

Or. you may not. ha. Keeps us on the edge of our feet. Life is all about the emotion. The ride along the way.

It's like the tired army commercial. If anyone wrote a book about your life, would anyone want to read it?

Live like you're telling a story, like you mean for it to entertain. I just find that it brings joy to people. Whether is by lightening the mood, or helping people feel that love is real existent phenomena. So fall in love. Be an example of how to exist with someone else in perfect harmony. I know it's tough to find it. Just be ready, don't let it pass you by, no matter how much it takes.

It is hard though. I know love can be tricky. Some people in the search can be misleading and just when you're close you feel it all slip. I think I have done that a number or times to people. Mots thinks I'm a jerk for it. I just say i like getting close to people to learn about them and I grow from every single person that I meet. But sometimes too close when i know that my heart lies elsewhere... But I guess I just continue being a practicing jerk in denial and try to be more honest up front... Maybe it'll work out. I never really want to be a reason for people to hurt, or feel sad. I know it's impossible to take care of everyone. But as long as most people understand me I think everything will work out.

But, writing has been going better. Decided to use my epic story idea for one of the songs. Finally believed in myself enough to tackle it and so far it's going really well. I'm still working on it. But. The process is satisfying.

Much love.