I loved you 'gnvr', I loved you.

Not sure how you do it. Make me fall in love over and over again.

Even in this distance. Maybe full of false hopes, but still the fear of nots have kept me here. In this place i try to hide from the rest of the world and keep trying to hide from myself. Making myself stray away from a place I once knew and keep trying to find on this old tattered and faded map.

21 years and i'm still searching. Searching for the youth and freedom of life.

I re-read a message from one of them that was before and was amazing on how we all fall into this place. Always leave the longing.
It was amazing, apparently we all have a lot more in common then I realized from the start. Maybe I should do something about my pre-conceptions. Turn the volume down, let the sounds of the world travel in instead of the songs that I dictate to be truth.
I know that I stood out.
I think.
I imagine the intensity had something to say. However, I see trails. I'm not cutting my way through the brush, this is a well worn path. I just can't seem to tell how heavy my steps are in soil.
Whether they leave an impression.
I know the reasons.
I thought about it today. Talking to Katz. The one person i trust my life to.
The one person that's known me the longest and can always count on. We help each other as much as we can and i really miss her being closer.
Talked about how things were.

When everything seemed like it would last forever. Young and brave. Determined.


The songs we used to sing. Writing them.
The one thing that kept me writing and focused.
You know that almost all of them were about you. I don't know what I was afraid of, or trying to prove.
But I would never admit it. She asked me why and I really couldn't give her a reason. I'm sorry for that.
But you knew better, you just wanted me to say it and I really wish I would have.
I guess I'm just wondering how long this cord is.
How far it can stretch before it eventually breaks, or if it even can.
maybe how tight the knots are. Bound to our wrist.
A trail of bread crumbs to lead the hands slowly back to each other thought the forrest and back to safety.


"I guess I should just give up. Give in. But that was never me. Maybe it’s that mirror me that’s coming out. The sad, tired old woman. That’s not the girl you loved. And I still search for something to break up the monotony, to make me feel less like a burden an more like an actual member of society.
“You would be strong. You’d make it without me. I didn’t tell you that enough. I didn’t say anything to you enough. You’re important to me. You are my support, my life. You are beautiful. I love you.” " - you know who you are...

Keep it secret, Keep it safe.
A certain vegetable comes to mind from time to time.
(only a select few will understand this...)