The Hats We Wear.

How often do we really categorically think about who we are as people? While this entry is in part intended to be an introduction into my psyche for those who would care to know such things of a complete stranger, it is also meant for myself as a list of things I truly believe about myself...my beliefs:

This is actually a bit problematic. I haven't had an experience where I've truly held faith in anything in a long time. It makes telling the truth difficult because I'm always making addendums to keep up with all the alternate possibilities that come to mind at any particular moment. This is troubling at times as it is the cause, at least in part, to my lack of any clear direction in life. Ah, but again I'm rambling and this was intended to be a moment of clarity, so I'll summarize: My beliefs are weak and shift from time to time.

For the sake (This looks like a Japanese beverage to me, but for the life of me I can't recall how to spell this word) of summary I shall continue in the above mode: I am rational, and perhaps I think things through a good deal to much. I don't like making value judgements myself, and I rarely rely on other's values when making my decisions, so the decisions I do make tend to be more pragmatic than anything else.

Reading the above I'd think I was dull, but in actuality it mostly just leads to a rather dull life. I'm told most people that I truly try to engage in coversation find me interesting.

I think a lot about people, about why we as a group do the things we do and respond to similar stimulus in such different fashions. I think a lot about specific people as well, my friends particularly. I'm curious, is this normal? To try and analyze the people that you're close to?

I have an enormous dichotomy as far as how I think to myself and how I act in front of other people, but then I don't think that's all that uncommon. With groups of people I tend to be sarcastic, though I'm my own target as often as other people are. I also tend to project a larger than life picture of myself, something my friends quite frequently support when introducing me to people I haven't met. I tend to be loud, very forward, etc... In more personal situations I tend to tone that down significantly. I'm not nearly so comfortable with aggressive social behavior when someone I'm talking to doesn't have a room of people to fall back upon for support, so I tend to adopt a persona much closer to my genuine one. I tend to ask a lot of questions about people and especially what they think about things. My private persona is... Well, private. I think when I'm alone I'm just trying to get by each day with my rationality and self-esteem in tact.

Background... The last thing I mention, is that because its the least important to me? Funny, that. I've lived in different parts of India my entire life, also I've visited various parts of the country both on road trips and by plane. I have yet to date a guy who's both normal and straight... Is there such a thing?

I should end this here, though I think I might do this again at a later date. It might be interesting to compare what I emphasize about myself now versus at some other time when I'm in a different mood. I wonder what I'm downplaying too?