Miracle Sun.

It's felt good lately.

This cd. Anthony Green. It's slowing me down. Some of those melodies that are just soothing. Get you in touch with yourself almost.

Things have been crazy. The never ending list of To Do's. Constant fear of slipping up. (which i did today leaving my book bag for school at work.)

Where do you go when it gets dark?
And is there room for me there?
How long will it take you to wake up?
Make a promise to wake me, will you wake me up?

or I'll sleep all day
and miss everything....

Miracle Sun stay with me tonight
we don't want ot be without you
We'll come along, so save a place for us
We don't want to be left alone... no.
-Anthony Green

I just want a place. Home base. But I have this ever nagging defense. I can't really get as close to anyone like I used to. Friends, family, loves. Whatever that love thing is.

I love that song however. It's what I feel like. Love in the little things are harmless, it's those big steps in need the most help with. I need something to grip onto, something to love and the sun seems to be the only thing constant enough to trust. I can't seem to be interested in anything or anyone else enough to feel satisfied and like it matters, because I feel like in a few months something could happen and I'll never see that person again. Does it make getting involved and putting parts of yourself into it worth it?

There are good enough things happening lately, but these are moments when you find yourself in the dark and you need to stop and talk yourself out of it. Retrace your steps, squint your eyes just for a glimmer of something familiar to tell you that you're on your way.

I feel like a brain, a set of circuits. Shooting signals to operate the same tasks. Sure I'm working hard and have had a lot of good ideas. But a full head and an empty chest doesn't make you a full person.
The completeness everyone wants.

Well, I'm just like everyone else. I do want it.

Eventually. I know. Eventually. I'm just so damn impatient.