Switch the track

Well. It's interesting to me how music moves you. How you take everything your feeling in your life and make every word in a song feel like it's being sung all about you. Funny how when things in your life change, so does the sound track that seems to follow you.

I remember a time when I was full of angst. Learning what I could about the world, but was very easily impressionable. During that time I listened to a lot of rock. Listened to the lists of wrong doings and how vile the government can be. They weren't really looking out for me, they were capitalistic pigs who had nothing but wealth and genocide on their minds. I was willing to raise my fist at the first click of the beating drum. It felt as if the whole crown beat together. On giant heart for one major cause. It seems to easy to follow along and fall into line. Turns out the situations aren't much different from each other. Just separate idea's and a different uniform. Studs instead of bullets, mohawks for helmets.

Truth is we are all at war with something. Whether it's physical or psychological. It's tough. Brings me up to recent times. The last phase before this one was filled with joy and sing alongs. I had so much happiness in me that music was the only escape that let it bubble over and spill out onto the canvas filling the air with rich colors of reds and golds. All those love songs, songs of happiness, songs which i've always heard but couldn't compare to. I knew how to question everything in one's life, how to doubt, how to see the gloom that the world creates for itself, but the songs of love and hope seemed too cheap and over done. I just never realized what it felt to mean every word.

All the little pieces and phrases began to make sense. I was in love deeper than I had ever known. True. Seemed as if the world could stop if I had so please. I could have died and felt a sense of accomplishment in finding this wonderful guy. well... I guess you could say he found me, but I was very lucky all the same. I remember certain songs, being able to close my eyes and melt into ever pitch and valley of the voice and take comfort into knowing that I knew exactly why they wrote the songs that they did. I've never felt anything like it. However, jealousy and immaturity sank in as the months went on. I became a monster. Destroying the thing i help most dear and with little regard for consequence. At the end all that way left was a smoldering heap of pain and regret. I still wait for the phoenix to rise out of the ashes. Burning beauty, greater than when it first set out. But until then... Maybe forever will happen first.... Until then, My music tastes have changed. Even the songs of love now pain me to hear. I'm beginning to pick out songs that I wouldn't have given a second chance to before. The light has changed and is now casting deeper and darker shadows than it has before. Winter seems to has set in this heart of mine and now all I can feel is the cold. Fittingly enough, Snow Patrol has been a big favorite. "You can be happy" "Make this go on forever" Both wonderful lately. I guess i'm getting the full reach of what music has to offer. That seems to be the one good thing about all this. No emotion has been wasted. Music has the power to lift you higher then you though you could be and can crush you in an instant. Just depends on where your life is. Seems to loom around and remind us of our fault and triumphs. and quite frankly. I'm not sure where I would be without it.

I just hope that the next track can pick up the beat.