My Advice

While people rarely ask me for advice (and never a second time), I feel it is myduty to dispense my wisdom to those fortunate enough to know me. Constantly. In that vein I've decided to write a little bit of advice for dealing with a common social situation that we've all had to deal with at some point or another;

Being asked by a friend or loved one to do something for them.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "If they were really my friends they wouldn't ask me to do anything! They'd let me sit and do nothing for as long as I please, and perhaps even bring me butterscotch toffee!"
... And in an ideal world this would indeed be the case. Unfortunately it seems, by the lack of toffee on my desk, that this is not an ideal world and people will actually periodically try and impose their whims upon you. Now a person clumsy in the art of social interaction might say "Well, just say no. How hard is that?"

No?

NO?

No. Don't ever say "no" because that sets a terrible precident for when you need something from them. A graceful master of social interaction has a number of very special ways of dissuading requests for their time and effort. One of the most effective ways of dealing with this situation that I've found is to always agree to do everything your asked. Agree enthusiastically and give excessive assurances that you'll perform the request as soon and as effectively as possible. Then begin the planning phase. Plan for hours, days if that's what it takes to drain away all hope from your friend of the task ever getting done. At the same time don't let them drop the issue quietly. Constantly remind them of the request they made and tell them about all the /mental/ progress you have made towards their goals. Explain to them in detail how you're so enthusiastic about whatever it is they want you to do that you can't bear the thought of anything going wrong.

This will serve three purposes. First, it annoys the crap out of them. Eventually they'll come to deeply regret they ever asked anything of you. Second, because the job will always be visibly in progress they can't officially hold it against you that you didn't do it. Finally, they won't be able to ask you to do anything in the meantime because you're still working on the first thing they told you to do.

As you perfect the art of passive disagreement you may eventually find yourself killing all hope within your would-be benefactee within a matter of moments without them even realizing what you're doing. Some more advanced versions of this technique might include: practiced incompetence, false preparations, unrelenting requests for opinion/help, and, if you're of the right age, constant interuptive trips to the potty.

Now don't you feel enlightened?