Tons of bricks.

It's funny how these things hit you.
Fits of manic depression.

I really don't even know where this came from. It's been a great break so far.
Been hanging out with few friends, getting work done, playing music, studying. Just keeping myself real busy these days.
But in this moment I am consumed by this infernal sadness

I guess if you pretend you're happy with everything that's going on in your life you can make yourself that way,
just sometimes life catches up with you and even in a slight passing moment, when the dam cracks, expect a small flood.
One of those feelings you need to sit down and relax and wait for it to get mopped up. Maybe run to your blog and have another place to spill it. ha.

And once again it all revolves around love.
I really need to figure this thing out before it kills me.
I watched Paris, Je t'aime. It's a really good flick. The short stories are inspiring.
But I think that was the beginning of this hair line fracture in my defenses and facade.

The stories touch my heart. Love of another, love of a child, love of a city. Just Love.
But these are different times. Trying times. Makes me think of when i could watch these things and feel it in my whole body and understand every word they utter and how they must feel.
Now don't get me wrong. My love still exists. Just in different ways.
The love of my friends have been the biggest.
They're always around and i have the most fun when I'm around them.
And family of course. To an extent with certain family members. others can be irritating.

It's just this whole romantic love I miss.
I saw the website for flowers thats pre-set into my favorites and it just made me want to send flowers to someone. Something big and beautiful. Lily's have always been my favourite only next to orchids. Star-gazer. Beautiful color and a enchanting scent. Hell I wouldn't even mind buying flower for myself here. Smell soo good. ha.

I guess i'm just lost. I don't know what it is that makes people fall in love. Or what it is that makes them fall in love again and again with someone else. Some people are just better at that than others.

For now i'm just going to cross my fingers, close my eyes and put my face to the wind. Hoping life will blow something my way. I'm just thankful that I do have other securities around me.;)