Heavy.

It's how everything feels today.

Today has almost been an awakening. For some reason or another I've been slacking off on my duties. So much to do, so much to do. I think I've been on this journey of self exploration a little too long. I keep figuring thing out about myself, but at the same time I'm not really progressing. There just seems to be a fine line between knowing enough to be satisfied but not knowing enough to be content. You keep searching for too long and the answers all seem to get harder and more complex.

I'm working hard right now at finding the balance. Putting a better guarantee on this happiness of mine. I also need to start knocking out all these bad habits of mine. Start shedding the weight so I can feel unhindered and light on my feet again. I need to start cutting off some of these connections and meaningless responsibilities. Stop giving in to loneliness and preparing myself for something real. Being popular is one thing, being able to know everyone and to be desired, but it pales in comparison to love and giving yourself to one person. It's one of the most powerful feelings. It gives you strength and also has a strange way of stripping it all from you with just a few words. That's what I want. I want to be consumed by it, dive head first into it. I live my life by love and not knowing it for so long has left me reckless.

I think today is just going to be one of my baby days. I need to find some encouragement, need to get something accomplished today. I have a whole week coming up to get my head straight and figure myself out a little bit. Maybe it'll help.

and like always. Be good to one another and don't be afraid to love, it's too important.